Short Story #2

Dear Readers,

Many of you have expressed an interest in reading more of my creative writing. This short story that I wrote won 100 dollars in first place in a county wide writing competition. Enjoy!


A Thankless Job


I come from humble backgrounds. I am a blue collar worker, just like my parents, my parent’s parents, even my parent’s parent’s parent’s parents. Being a dustpan is a thankless life. All of the praise and gratitude goes to my cousin, Broom. Everyone loves Broom. And don’t even get me started about my brother-in-law, Vacuum.

We dustpans lead a tough life. We clean things that clean things. Have you ever seen anyone wash a dustpan? We are called something that human beings want to get rid of. What kind of message is this sending to our culture? Our entire handle is built so we can attach ourselves to the Broom! That advertises the fact that we are the Broom’s henchmen.

With all of this said, there is one thing that wakes me up in the morning ready to pick up dirt and sends me to bed with a smile on my plastic: The dustpan code of conduct:

O dustpan o dustpan,

Clean up the dust

Put it in the trash

Do what you are told,

Never backlash.

Our bodies are dirtied,

But our minds are clear

Clean up Their mess and Rewards will appear.

If you lead a good life

Full of happiness and schmutz

Then you can be sure

To never go cuputz.

O dustpan o dustpan,

Clean up the dust

Never ask twice

This, we all must.


So true (what a beautiful poem from one of our own highly esteemed Walt Dustman.)


I was once asked by son Dustin Hoffman, who currently works in Hollywood, “Dad, what is one thing lesson you have learned to be true over your many years of being a dustpan?”

Now I haven’t given him an answer. Whenever this question is posed, I always respond with something like: “Son I have learned many things over my years in the disinfectant industry, now go clean our owner’s scrambled eggs that slid off his plate.” Why, you might ask, do I never tell my son the single most important thing that I have learned? Well, wise question asker, its because I’ve never had one. I do the same exact thing every single day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Wake up, clean, wait, clean, wait, clean, sleep. Wake up, clean, wait, clean, wait, clean sleep. Not much to learn.

Then, I recognized that that is what I learned. Sure I don’t have a glamorous job. Sure no one thanks me for my work (most humans hardly know I exist.) And sure my life is pretty uneventful (lets be honest, most of the cool messes go to things like the sponge or the carpet washer). But then I realized that that is just the way it is. I can’t change myself. Do I wish I was a mop? Yes. But I’m a dustpan, and the only thing I can do is be the best damn dustpan I can possibly be.

Well I got to go. Dust duty calls, and I must answer.

But if this account ever somehow, someway, makes it into a human’s hands, I have two things to tell you:

  1. Sometimes in life, the most beautiful things are the ones that you never see
  2. Scrambled eggs should always stay on your plate.



Dustin Off


P.S. Oh and human, please thank the dog.



One thought on “Short Story #2

  1. This is so funny! Was the second part newer? I only remember the writing above the pink triangles. Either way, I’m cracking up! Much love to you.


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