Day Job: Part 2

This is Part 2 of a play that I wrote at Interlochen and had help from Portland Director and playwright Matt Zrebski.
Part one was one of my most popular posts of all time.

Scene 4
(Colly, James, and Tommy are all in the office. James is grilling Colly about his first day on the job.)

James
And then what happened?

Colly
Well, I told her to get the flank steak.

James
And why is that?

Colly
Because…
(Turning to Tommy)

Tommy
Because when you grill the juices of the meat get-

James
Was I asking you?

Tommy
No you were not.

James
Who was I asking?

Tommy
You were asking Colly.

James
So who should answer?

Tommy
Colly should.

James
That is correct. Lucky for you, I don’t care why you gave her a flank steak or a brisket. I couldn’t actually care less. But what does matter is this: all that customer ordered was the meat, correct?

Colly
I believe so.

James
But she was making a stir fry, correct?

Colly
Yes.

James
So why the hell didn’t she purchase more goods.

Colly
I do not know sir.

James
Then who does?

Colly
Tommy does sir.

Tommy
She must already have the required ingredients. She came to us only for the steak.

James
Tommy, you have been with us for quite a while now. You must know by this point my most important rule.

Tommy
To make the money.

James
Yes. My first rule is to wow me. My second rule is to ask me. My third rule is to pay me. The more money I make, the more money you make, the higher chance you have to getting a promotion.

Colly
Actually, about that promotion.

James
Oh now we get down to the real reason you called this meeting.

Colly
You called this meeting.

James
(beat)
Carry on.

Colly
Could you get one?

James
Get one what? (smirking)

Tommy
He would like a promotion.

James
Oh I was worried there for a second.

Colly
Worried about what?

James
I was worried that you were gonna make some kinda lude sexually perverted joke but I’m glad you kept it professional.

Colly
(Confused)
So…back to the promotion thing.

James
Ahh yes. Why do you want one?

Colly
Even though I have worked only for one day….

Tommy
(Chiming in)
Which is six hours…

Colly
That being said I have done a good job and I see a lot of potential in my future.

James
(Starts chuckling)
Do you know why I am laughing? You must know that what you said is funny. One can not see potential in themselves, others around them see potential.

Colly
I understand that. However-

Tommy
Colly is fairly confident about his potential and knows he will be a king one day.

Colly
Will you shut up?
(To Tommy)

Tommy
According to his crystal ball, Collie’s brightest days lie just ahead.

James
(Hard laugher)
You are one of the funniest kids I know.

Tommy
And that is why I am your number 2 sir.
(proudly)

James
(Stops laughing abruptly)
But in all seriousness Colly I need to see you after some more time.

Colly
How much more time?

James
One more day and we will speak of this matter again.

Colly
Thank you sir.

James
Now get out of here. Tommy, make me laugh.

Tommy
(Colly is walking out the door, Tommy stay.)
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!
(Lights dim on James laughing uproariously as Tommy imitates Colly)

Scene 5
(Tommy is talking to Shopper in the deli)

Tommy
What else can I get you?

Shopper
That will be it. Thank you. (About to leave the scene)

Tommy
That can’t be.

Shopper
(Turning around)
Excuse me.

Tommy
I said that can not be. You can’t be done with all your shopping.

Shopper
But…I am.

Tommy
But you can’t be.

Shopper
And how is that?

Tommy
What are you making for dinner?

Shopper
I don’t see how that’s any of your business.

Tommy
It isn’t. But to be perfectly honest I am fairly certain that I am the only person who has ever cared about your cooking so why don’t you let me help you and tell me what’s on the menu tonight.

Shopper
I was going to make fish.

Tommy
But….you bought bacon…

Shopper
I was going to wrap it in bacon.

Tommy
(Whispering)
White trash.

Shopper
What’s that?

Tommy
I said halibut goes nice with bacon.

Shopper
I was going to do tuna.

Tommy
Why on earth would you wrap tuna in bacon?

Shopper
Because I have three cans of it at home.

Tommy
Just because you have it doesn’t mean it’s the best thing to eat. Get a pound and a half of my line caught fresh previously frozen and then thawed and refrozen halibut. Eighteen bucks a pound.

Shopper
Why should I listen to you?

Tommy
Because look at me. Then look at you. Look at my clothes. (Lifting his leg up on counter) I present you ‘My Js’

Shopper
What I wear has nothing to do with me as a person.

Tommy
(laughing)
Have you ever been to the store? It’s all that matters here.

Shopper
Why the hell are you so shallow?
Tommy
By shallow do you mean I have nice shoes?

Shopper
Yes that’s exactly what I mean. I don’t have halibut in my budget, canned tuna will have to do. And god knows I have no room in my budget for shoes.

Tommy
Look. My parents are poor. We eat past and butter every night and I share a bed with my brother. But they still buy me dope sneakers because these are necessities.

Shopper
(To himself)
What the hell is this place??

Tommy
Welcome to The Store.

Shopper
This is crazy.

Tommy
Get the halibut.

Shopper
(Pissed)
No. I’m out of here. In fact, I’m not buying a single thing. I’ll go to the store across the way.
(Exits)

Tommy
I hope you enjoy dinner in your trailer park.

(Enter James)

We lost another one James.

James
this place isn’t for everybody.

Tommy
It should be.

James
Listen Tommy, if you do what I taught you – exactly the way I taught you – and people leave, at least you tried your best. But if you start off on one of your “I am going to fix you even if you are beyond repair” and a customer walks out on us, well gosh. I don’t want you in my sight. Cool shoes.
(Exits)

(Enter Colly)
Colly
I heard about the trailer trash

Tommy
Wearing velcro shoes. Not even slides. VELCRO.

Colly
I get it. I really do. But mathematically what you said, it didn’t make sense. She left empty handed. Bought nothing at all.

Tommy
Colly you don’t understand.

Colly
NO. I do get it. You didn’t like the look of someone so you turned them away.

Tommy
You didn’t see these shoes.

Colly
Look. I like nice shoes just as much as the next guy. My brother has thirty one pairs of shoes in his closet. He doesn’t wear two kinds of shows once in a month.

Tommy
They had straps. And lights on the bottom. And torn at the top. And lights on the bottom.

Colly
But you turned someone away based purely on their appearance. And that doesn’t add up.
Tommy
People who don’t dress well don’t get good service.

Colly
(Long Beat. Looking at the wall)
I wanna be up there.

Tommy
Everyone does.

Colly
I see your were up there in February.

Tommy
Better times. I could get it back if I wanted. Any day of the week.

Colly
How did you get on the list.

Tommy
All it takes is three things.

Colly
And what’s that.

Tommy
Work hard, kiss ass, and don’t follow Jame’s rules but only when he isn’t looking. That last part is crucial.

Colly
Nothing nicer than being “Employee of the Month.”

Tommy
I’ve never seen someone want to be on the wall so bad.

Colly
My parent’s have high expectations.

Tommy
I can get you up there.

Colly
How’s that?

Tommy
Break a rule or two, follow my lead, I’ll have you up there by tomorrow.

Colly
What’s the plan.

Tommy
(Beat)
Meat me back here this evening.

(Over the intercom, James’s voice:
Get back to work ladies. This isn’t high tea time.”

Tommy
But Colly

Colly
Yes?

Tommy
Don’t talk about this.

Colly
Yes.

Tommy
This is our little secret.

Colly
Like a clique?

Tommy
A two person clique, yes.

Colly
I have never been a part of one before.

Tommy
You are depressing.

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